Strolling around
by Kalduin
Summary: Yakumo Yukari is strolling around Narutoverse. People get trolled for her amusement. Crossover and complete crack.


Uzumaki Naruto was heading towards his favourite spot, the Ichiraku Ramen. But to his surprise he discovered that there was something going on in the shop. Raising the curtain to enter, he discovered to women sitting there. Both were wearing clothing Naruto had not seen before. The one on the left was eating a huge portion ramen with... everything. Naruto had yet seen such a huge mix up of Ichiraku's foods. He felt drool gathering in his mouth.

"Hey, hey, ossan! Give me the same nee-san there is eating!"

Naruto had declared his wish while standing next to the woman in right. She turned her head and looked Naruto over her fan. Her eyes seemed to look right into Naruto's soul.  
"I'm sorry, Naruto, but..." Ramen shop owner Ichiraku Teuchi seemed to be at the loss of words.  
"What?!" Naruto ripped his eyes of from the strange woman and stared at the older man.  
"Come on, I'm starving!"  
Teuchi throw a fast nervous look at the woman in left who had been devouring her huge portion in incredible speed.  
"That lady ordered the last portion." Older man said with somewhat weak voice as if he was doubting himself of what he just said.  
"WHAT!?" Both Naruto and the lady in the left stared at Ramen Shop Owner with shocked eyes.  
"But I'm still hungry!" Woman said with tearful eyes.  
"It was your 19th extra large ramen, Yuyuko. It's time to start moving." The woman next to Naruto smiled at her friend.  
"19th..." Naruto could only repeat what he had heard with weak voice.  
"But Yukari... hungry..." The woman called Yuyuko was sobbing while the one called Yukari placed money next to Yuyuko's huge ramen cup and pulled her gently but firmly up. After turning around she looked at Naruto's dumbfounded face.  
"Hmm... You have an interesting thing inside you," said Yukari looking at Naruto. "But my Ran is cuter."

Naruto couldn't understand these confusing words and was escorted out by Yukari.  
"My friend has a very large appetite. Looks like she ruined your lunch. For compensation I'll give you something good." Yukari smiled at Naruto.  
"Something good?" Repeated Naruto with weak voice. He had just seen someone eat his favourite shop empty and this strange woman made him feel confused.

"Indeed," nodded Yukari with smile. "You see, there is a girl who really likes you, Naruto-kun."

"A girl who likes me?" Naruto's face took a darker tone. "Sakura..."

"Let her speak herself!'" Yukari said with loud cheerful voice. "Out from stalking!" A gap opened and dropped Hinata right in front of them. Hyuuga looked around confused. Just now she had been looking at Naruto-kun behind the corner and saw him with two strange women, next moment something pulled her in and now she was standing right in front of them.

"Hinata, what are you..." Naruto stared at Hyuuga with confused look.  
"She loves you!" Declared Yukari with cheerful voice. "Let's skip the formalities! The boundary of clothes and nakedness!"

Hinata was the first one to notice Naruto's lack of clothes. Her face was painted dark red and with gush of blood from her nose, she fainted.

Naruto stepped closer to Hinata, confused and worried about her sudden collapse. Then he heard a scqeeling. Looking around he saw some of Konoha's citizen's staring at him.

"Kyaaa! A pervert! A pervert is attacking her!"

Naruto looked around. "I don't see any pervert..."

"Oh no! He's looking at us! Run! Isn't that village hero Naruto!? What is he doing to that girl!?"

It finally hit Naruto that the commotion was going on because of him. Looking down he noticed his lack of pants. And he overall lack of clothes.

"Wh-what is going on!? Why am I naked!?"

"Naruto..." A low rage filled voice came from behind his back. Turning around slowly he saw angry Sakura cracking her knuckles.

"Sa-sakura-chan..."

Looking it from afar, Yukari smiled. "And another girl noticed him. He's such a lucky kid." Yukari smiled cheerfully looking above her fan how naked Naruto was trying to escape Sakura using several clones who scattered around the village and created the legend of Konoha's Naked Flash.  
Looking at her still sobbing friend, Yukari took her arm and pulled her closer to her.  
"Yuyuko, let's go to other places with food." Yuyuko looked at Yukari through tears and nod happily. Opening a gap, Yakumo Yukari left with Saigyouji Yuyuko.

Fifth Kazekage inspected this unusual situation he had witnessed happening first hand. It wasn't every day that trains appeared out from nowhere and landed right in front of Sunagakure's gates. He had seen a mysterious black spot in the sky and then a train falling from there. And now it was half stuck in the sand, nose first.  
Kazekage had had to deal with many troublesome things, but this was unique in its own way. And the most troublesome part was not the train, but the reason it was there. And part if not the complete reason was this unknown woman with strange clothes. Woman who was sitting at the top of the half of the train that was sticking out from the desert sand. The woman who was happily swinging her legs and holding a parasol above her head. Something about her made Gaara feel very uneasy.

But it was kage's duty to deal with situation dangerous to his village. And trains falling from sky WAS dangerous. Approaching to mysterious woman, Gaara walked on the desert sand he knew so well. But right now even the sand felt ominous to him. His instincts were telling him that this woman was a trouble shinobi world had never seen before.  
Stopping a bit before the train, Gaara looked up to the woman and demanded her to reveal her identity and motives. He had told his ninjas to stay behind and guard the village. Now they were at the borders of Sunagakure observing their kage approaching this strange newcomer ready to react at every moment. Gaara looked calm, but every muscle in his body was tense, ready to react to every move enemy might do. But he still couldn't react fast enough to move before the woman had jumped down from the back of the train and landed gracefully still holding her parasol.  
"Who are you? What village do you belong? What are your motives?"

Gaara's repeated his demands and although his voice stayed clam, he started to get more and more nervous.  
"Aren't you rather rude youngster," said the woman with sly smile. At least Gaara felt that the woman was grinning as she covered her face with a fan. But her eyes were looking Gaara over it and those eyes made young Kazekage feel something he wasn't used to feel... irritation. He felt as if he was just a small kid who is being played a prank at.  
"Who. Are. You." Fifth Kazekage pressed those words out from his mouth.

"Geez, you're just a spoil sport, No Eyebrows Boy!" Woman declared with suddenly loud voice. Her elegant composure was gone and her fan and parasol were moving fast through the air while blonde woman was waving with her hands in childish irritation mood. Gaara looked stunned at this sudden change in mood. Especially those little anger tears at the edges of her eyes.

"I thought I could have some fun with you guys, but you have only wasted my time! It's lot more fun dropping a branch to ants nest and see them running around than watch you slow pansies sneak around at your village walls staring at me like punch of peeping perverts!"

Woman's pointed her fan at Gaara: "Perverts! Spoilsport perverts!"

Gaara was completely dumbfounded. Was this some sort of high level distraction technique?! He can't fall for this! As a Kazekage he needs to be example to the members of his village. Sand from Gaara's gourd raised and starting gathering around him preparing for fight.

"I will not repeat myself. You will either surrender right now or..."

Gaara couldn't finish himself as the mysterious woman turned around and while puffing small anger clouds waved with her right hand holding her fan.

"Boring kids should stay silent. The boundary of material composition."

Next thing Gaara noticed was that he didn't not have his weapon any more. For him controlling sand was like other shinobi holding kunais. But now the feeling was gone. What more... what was this strange feeling around him, on the ground and... on his head and shoulders!?

"Kankurou! Temari! Help me! NOOOO!"

Gaara's closest companions were with him only moments later to discover panicked Kazekage.  
"My clothes! My sand is gone! My gourd! My gourd! MY GOURD IS FULL OF CRAP!"

Sunagakure's shinobi could only stand stunned while they young leader was screaming and trying to rip off his clothes and take of the gourd at the same time.

Temari was the first one to recover. Smacking his little brother in the head with her fan and knocking him unconscious to stop his mad dance that caused the stinky substance on him fly towards people close to him.

"Seriously... who ever this woman was, she know Gaara's weak points. Taking away his sand and replacing it with pure shit really had massive mental effect. And his beloved gourd having been into a shit pot...," Temari felt shivers running down her spine. This was a dangerous enemy. And their Kage was completely demoralized.

"I will not go easy on you if you don't get out of my way." Young man with black hair was staring at a blonde woman holding her parasol and looking at him over her fan. Uchiha Sasuke was not in a good move. The world had screwed him over, his brother who he had hated had really loved him, his village had destroyed his clan and now this weird looking woman was blocking his way. Sasuke didn't feel like repeating himself. His black eyes took a red and black coloured pattern and pulling out his sword he ran towards the woman. But the slash missed. Or more likely, it hit empty air. Sasuke was used to Madara's technique that made cutting him useless. But this was different. The woman had disappeared into some weird gap. And there had been eyes there... red eyes... could it have been... SHARINGAN!? Everywhere, everyone were using his clan's precious eyes for their own sake! That old trash Danzou and his former sensei, copy ninja Kakashi who owned his entire pathetic existence to his clan's eye! And now this woman! Sasuke felt rage boiling inside of him and he almost screamed when he heard a voice behind him.  
Turning around fast he found that woman standing behind him.

"GIVE BACK MY CLAN!" Sasuke thrust towards the woman his sword covered with Chidori. He will kill that woman, he will kill everyone who dare to look down on Uchiha clan! He will... he will... Sasuke's rage induced murderous thought pattern had been abruptly stopped. His sword had been stuck into one of those weird gaps and he couldn't pull it out. Where did it come from? It wasn't there a moment ago! His Sharingan had not predicted this...  
Sasuke reacted fast. Understanding that pulling out his sword would be impossible, he jumped back and activated his Mangekyou Sharingan.

"SUSANOO!" A huge eerie creature appeared around Sasuke. The blonde woman was looking this new turn of events with... a yawn. This pissed Sasuke off even more. Clinching his fist, he made his Susanoo prepare it's bow and shoot an arrow. That disappeared right into another gap that had appeared from nowhere.  
"This is becoming boring." The woman spoke the first time. Closing her fan she looked at Sasuke wit serious eyes. Eyes that looked right into Sasuke's Sharingan, right into his mind. Eyes that felt like ripping his soul open. Sasuke was stunned. His rage had found a companion. Another emotion was filling his body. Fear.  
"The boundary of success. Zero."

Sasuke Susanoo disappeared. He felt weak, very weak. And very scared. Seeing that woman walk towards him he could only shake in fear. His most powerful technique had simply disappeared. Sasuke didn't know what just happened. But he knew... no he felt, he felt that this woman had done it. That this woman was dangerous. But he couldn't end it here, he couldn't! He's an Uchiha! Nobody looks down to an Uchiha! Gathering his strength, he stared at the approaching woman's eyes.

"Tsukiyomi!" The moment the genjutsu activated was the moment Sasuke felt his mind being ripped to shreds. He was somewhere, somewhere dark...

"This is your mind." A voice spoke behind Sasuke. He tried to turn around, but couldn't. His body could not move and he could only stare at the darkness around him. And the woman walking slowly around him, appearing from behind his back and stopping right in front of him, again looking at Sasuke over her fan. She closed it with a loud snap and smiled.  
"You were quite fun! Even trying to attack my mind. But really..." Yukari touched playfully Sasuke's chest with her fan. "You are... how many years too young to fight me? I know! You will always be too young to fight me!"

Sasuke could only stare in horror of this scary woman in front of him. Suddenly the darkness disappeared and they were back at where they were just moments before. Sasuke staring into Yukari's eyes casting Tsukiyomi and Yakumo walking towards. Sasuke's disbelieving mind was trying to cope with the fact that his genjutsu had been turned against him and all of it had taken only a moment. Sasuke's knees failed him and he fell down. He could barely recognize the feet in front of his eyes. The woman had stopped right beside him. Sasuke's mind fell into darkness.

How many time had passed since he lost consciousness was passed Sasuke. But the sun was still up. He tried to move his body and finally managed to get up. But he felt that something was wrong. For first his clothes were now pink and... Sasuke stared at the edge of his dress. And his body felt weird. Touching his chest he felt something strange. He ripped his new pink dress open to discover... chest... hair...

"Uchiha men with... chest... hair... pink... chest... hair..." Sasuke stared at disbelief at the changes happened to his body. Looking around to find any answer to his condition. He noticed something on the ground. The sun was playing on it's surface. Sasuke's mind started recognizing it. And the last mockery his enemy had left for him in the shape of a mirror. Sasuke raised towards his face and simply stared. Until his hand started shaking, his fingers gave up and dropped the mirror. The evening sun saw the avenger, Uchiha Sasuke crying on his knees, in a ripped pink dress, tears falling down from his face. His hands ripping out his newly grown afro. The last light sun reflected on the shining letters on Sasuke's forehead: "Yakumo Yukari."

"One Sharingan, two Sharingans, three Sharingans, nothing is better than a Sharingan..." Tobi was inspecting his massive collection of Sharingan eyes. Nothing made the old warmonger's mood better than going over and over his collection of his clan's eyes. Even this elegant looking woman liked them...  
"WHO!?" His had jumped up like a flash, couple of Sharingan eyes he had polished, dropped to the ground and one rolled until it hit mysterious newcomer's shoe nose.

"You shouldn't be so careless with your collection." Woman looked at Tobi over her fan.  
His secret base had been infiltrated. This mysterious person had simply walked into his top secret hide out like nothing. Tobi didn't waste a second. Activating his Sharingan he tried to suck the woman into his dimension to deal with her in his domain. Next thing Tobi saw was a room full of red eyes, all looking at him. He felt very small, very insignificant.

"Such child's toy won't work on me, boy." Tobi was looking up to the mysterious woman who stared down at him. She had become huge. And those red eyes staring at Tobi made him feel weak. Hundred years of experience in fighting and scheming felt so useless in this situation.  
If Tobi tried to remember what had happened to him, he felt as if it was a dream. But he knew that it had happened for real. Because of three reasons.  
First. His beautiful Sharingan collection he had gathered using so much love and care had been replaced with... blue, shiny bishounen eyes. That were alive. And all were staring at him. It made even battle hardened veteran like Tobi feel sick.  
Second. His Zetsu army was gone. All one hundred thousand of them. Gone. That woman had taken them with her. For a souvenir she said.  
Third. Tobi knew that she hadn't grown big. He had been turned small. At his current 30 cm height that woman really did feel huge. But what concerned Tobi the most where other changes happened to his body. He touched again to be sure. Yes, they were there. Little black cat ears. And a tail. That woman had said a mysterious word... MOE. What could it have meant? Was it the technique that turned him into this? Tobi decided to cancel his Moon Eye Plan at least for now and concentrate into learning more about this MOE.

Kazami Yuuka was one of Genbsoukyou's most powerful creatures. People usually didn't come to where she lived. They were too afraid of her. Yuuka was happy with it. She hated when people hurt her precious sunflowers. And she had always paid them back. With interests. No one who dared to lay finger on her flowers left alive. NO ONE!  
But this time... it wasn't just some flowers... it was everything... her precious sunflower field... everything she had worked so hard for... Yuuka's face stayed calm but her arm gripping her parasol revealed her immense rage when she stared at where her sunflowers used to be. Where now stood white skinned and green haired creatures. But her eyes were nailed to one thing; a sign that read:

_To Yuuka-chan. _  
_Zetsu Forest. _  
_With love, from_  
_Yakumo Yukari._

Kazami Yuukai raised her parasol slowly above her head. After a moment standing there her eyes closed and letting sun fondle her face, she brought down her hand with a sharp movement like slicing with a sword. The tip of her parasol was directed at the mass of standing plant men. A blast of energy hit the field, wiping out entire one hundred thousand Zetsus and causing a mushroom cloud seen from far away. Hakurei miko who had just stepped out from her shrine looked at it for a moment, sighed and turned around going back in. Let somebody else deal with this incident.


End file.
